I'm not vulnerable. I'm confident. I'm brave. I'm loving.
Why am I starting this blog? Because tonight, I have learned something about myself. Here's the story:
So, I was in religious education class tonight. I have the best teacher ever. Mr. F (I'm not going to give his full name for privacy purposes). He started class with a question. What upset you? What in your past upset you? One guy in my class said the football game last night upset him (the SEC Championship game between UGA and Alabama). Mr. F asked him what happened in the game that upset him. The list came out something like this:
UGA lost
UGA practically gave the game to Alabama
The refs didn't make good calls
etc.
So, after Mr. F put all those on the board, he asked the student this question: What does this say about you? The guy couldn't answer. So, Mr. F decided to get another example. He turned to my sister and I. He asked us who in our family makes us mad most often. I immediately point to my sister. He asks me what she has ever done to make me mad. It takes me a while, but I finally get up the confidence to tell him. This is how it went:
Me: "Well, many months ago, I would find that things had gone missing from my bedroom and/or bathroom, and I would find those things in her [my sister's] room."
Mr. F: "What types of things?"
Me: "You know, just random things like conditioner, my hairbrush, etc."
It went on a little further, and then he wrote on the board something that really struck home: "She picks on me a lot." It was true. It wasn't something I had said, but it was true. He asked me the same question he asked the other guy: "What does this say about you?" My answer? "I'm vulnerable".
He then asked me this: "Who said that you're vulnerable?" I did. I said that I was vulnerable. ME . Not anyone else. It was my decision to say that. I could have said anything else, but I said that I was vulnerable.
He asked me: "What has this cost you?"
My answer was this: "I'm not confident in myself. I don't like to sing in front of people. I get nervous while performing. I don't make new friends easily."
Do you get what he taught me? He taught me that I'm not vulnerable. He taught me that I took my own voice away. Because I believe that I'm vulnerable, because I decided that, I have lost my voice. To regain my voice, I need to stop believing that. And I will.
He also told me that some event in my past has led me to believe that I am vulnerable. I don't know what this is yet, but I promised him that when I remember, I will tell him.
Everyone has a sentence that has caused them to lose their voice. Mine is "I'm vulnerable". What's yours?
